The Roads I Have Already Traveled (Jan 31, 2009)

Wow! I forgot that I had written about this.


The main road.


I know deep in my heart that God has a new road He wants me to travel. I don't know what it is yet, but he is preparing me. As I listen for where I am supposed to go next, I think it is important to remember where I came from.



Life isn't easy...we all know that. And I am not saying that my life was any harder than the next person's, I just hope that my story touches someone.



I am not sure when it started, but at a very young age I was sexually abused. It is sad to say that it went on for some time. I was scared to tell anybody and I was ashamed of what was happening to me. I carried that burden around with me up until about 10 years ago. (Take in to account that I am now 42.) I had attended a conference with a group of women and one of the speakers was talking about her life and how she had been sexually abused as a child. I will never forget that day. I was sitting in a room of 100's of women and I think there were about 4 that new me personally. I felt like that speaker was talking directly to me! That was the first time I ever pubically acknowledged what had happened to me.



I am thankful that God lead me to cross paths with her, because it lead me down a long road of healing. As I began to take the pieces of my life and inspect each one thouroughly before trying to put it back together. I discovered that the abuse is just the suitcase that you carry down that road. Inside that suitcase are shame, bitterness, loneliness, hurt, guilt, and many, many other emotions. That was my life. All that stuff I carried around with me, consumed me. It affected every desicion I made in my life. As I was working through the healing process I had many people to help me along my way. Some are no longer in my life and some still are. God placed them there for the specific reason of helping me to heal. Unfortunately, I know that what happened to me at such a young age shaped who I am today. I can't go back and undo what was done, I can only take what I have and try to do my best with it.





Over the years, my suitcase has gotten lighter and lighter. I think the only time I know that it is really there is when something happens in my life that I know was a direct result of my past. The wounds are healed, the scars have faded and forgiveness has been given.



This is only a small part of my testimony. I know without one doubt in my mind that the only reason I am still here on this earth today is because my Daddy God carried me in his arms when I was to tired to go on anymore. He held my hand and led me to the people that were supposed to help me. He educated me on what happened to me so that I can hopefully touch someone elses life. He also taught me that the cycle can be broken. That just because someone is sexually abused does not mean that they are going to continue the horrible cycle and abuse someone themselves.



Thank you God for carrying me when I was too tired to walk.